Author: Nadia Khalil Bradley

One of the hardest things I have ever had happen in my life was creating a blended family. The simple act of marriage; for love, caring and hope as most anyone would believe, became a treacherous yet rewarding adventure. A lot of times a blended family is putting two fractured families together and seeing what happens. As they pave new ground and create paths that only newer books are written about.

Blended families are common and divorces are common in this time; however, the support for those of us that have questions about the rejection of the kids, the ex's, and what has moved on emotionally and what has not, is not common.

We fall into patterns that each individual family establishes, and look at and learn each other's way of doing business. Buying groceries, favorite dishes, exchanging of children, ex's who are OK, those who are not, manipulations that work in one family and are nothing but obvious to the other family, and hurt feelings that do not know how to express their vulnerabilities and problems, love and ease.

There seems to come a feeling of intensive care, like what is seen in hospitals, when people are only allowed to visit for short periods of time, until the family can gain some solid ground. What they mean to themselves, how they fit into their own lives, growing and establishing new patterns and habits, favorite places and foods, exchanging of children's, everyone finding their space and coexisting, and if there is a culture difference, appreciating that as well.

One of the key factors in blended families is to not allow what angry ex's speak to be spoken in the home. I never once took away from any ex, and the old theory that a person can only fight with themselves for so long, still remains true. There also seems to be an element of competition that exists between families that were and are not anymore, or wanting to prove that one or the other is "making it," whatever that means.

Let that go. It doesn't matter. Truly one success is everyone's. Everyone is actually one extended family and jealousies really run their course. It isn't jealousy I find, it is feeling threatened and vulnerable. In love and in dismay, and in learning on a very deep curve of emotions you never felt before. The whole process is an emotional hit of love and lacks of understandings, that feel as though someone threw you off a building without a safety net.

You have time on your side. Time heals. Time answers every question. Time is the best teacher. Time builds history and friendships, trust and love, understanding and simply getting use to what is new and leaving behind all else that doesn't matter. The masks of who we all were before we got to now. The now becomes our history and time gives us the eyes to build a future.

No one has to be better than anyone's Mom or Dad. Sister or Brother. It is just people who are trying to find success, and their coming together. Yet in the brutality of the beginnings this is hard to see, as you learn of all the neurosis of others. And yet that is what is normal to them, whomever them is. Life is just life and challenges are just challenges. If our intentions speak to us to try and give our best, then we have a foundation to work from. If you fight it and fight it and try to hurt each other, all you will get is two families who can not become one.

We all work towards one, so it is real important for children to see the big picture, to be included in it and to be counted in love, forgiveness and understandings. Children are just scared and it is a huge change for them to join with so many others at once. It is about love. That is what started it, that is what runs it and that is what it lives in in the eternal moments of heart and soul that turn unknowns to knowns.

Once the knowns are spoken, touched, not ignored and given time, time can run with the rest of it. Have dinner together, as much as possible, and soon you will all look forward to good food and face to face moments. Food is the common thread that no one can argue with. Make sure everyone has some space, so that when they are not too sure about anything, they know they can go and spend their time in comfort and reflection.

Include as many of the family in decisions and do not let children tattle on each other. Bring them both in so that confrontations are balanced and fair. Don't' take one out and not another, and speak objectively. Don't talk about a child in a way you would not speak in front of them and don't allow others to do so either. If you have girls, put them all in one room. It breeds love in ways you couldn't have otherwise over time, boys too.

You see, this really turns these children into some of the most interesting people. Lovable and appreciative. These children are forced to know reality, live it, and take themselves on in life, knowing they are one of a bunch, and they become awesome team players. So the bottom line is keeping the ex's at bay with respect, not involving children with your hang ups; find another adult to speak to. Try to have dinner every night together, and let the rest find it's way into routine and balance.

A blended family may feel like someone put you into a blender and turned it to liquefy. However, it turns into smoothies; with such exotic flavors and colors, that you would never give it up for the world.

To purchase a copy of the newly released book, "Origins of Truth" by Nadia Khalil Bradley, please visit her website at http://www.originsoftruth.com

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/blended-families-306656.h...

About the Author:
Nadia Bradley is a Palestinian-American, born in Chicago, Illinois, and raised as a practicing Muslim. She loves that religion, and devoutly prayed five times a day, even during high school. As an adult, Nadia began having experiences that she ultimately recognized as conversations with Christ. They were so powerful and pure that she began recording them in a journal. Her writings are taken from those experiences. Nadia and her husband, Stirling, have six children. Nadia lives, speaks and writes in Southern California.